This Abandonment Is Mine

   

“This Abandonment Is Mine”
 
Living a darkened life,
Cast in unending shadow.
I forced myself up and on,
It was all I knew.

Just trying to compile the words,
Not knowing where this poem will go.
It fills my eyes with tears,
That I don’t want to show.

I don’t want to give the satisfaction,
Or any ego boost.
That this little rooster,
Was afraid of his roost.

The price that I paid,
To be here now was very high.
I had to let go of my home,
Abandon my babies but I tried.

I tried for a long, long time.
I couldn’t get passed it living there.
I abandoned my babies,
Hoping they understood that I did care.

But in truth,
They just wonder where their daddy is.
This abandonment is mine,
This is a wrong that should never be hid.

Danny Gunter
03-11-2011
  
Queenie & Scooter,
Daddy is so sorry.
Papa loves you!
I hate myself for this.
 . 

In the pic, that's my big Bubba, Scooter just to his right and Queenie in the bottom right.  I had to put Bubba down, his legs just hurt him too much.  I had to let Scooter and Queenie go to a shelter.  I will never have pets again, I am not the type of person who deserves that kind of pure devotion and love.  My life got to dark and I had to move on.  This poem is for them.

and no, writing this clears neither my conscience or my soul.  I should have done better by them.